Lots of moulded frescoes, thick ceiling-to-floor drapes and neoclassical columns ceremoniously placed in the middle of the room, making the whole venue feel like an opera set that had been invaded by the audience. In the corner, flanked by decorative lamps, there was a DJ playing Migos. A passport to the far reaches of human behaviour, or a new, undiscovered corner of yourself. The topic of hook-up culture has been doing the rounds again online recently. It should go without saying that there are infinite combinations of reasons why someone might choose to sleep around or not.
On an individual level, there are previous experiences and personal beliefs. All of this has an impact on how casual sex is framed. Anything experienced through a sexual lens is changed. Wherever you are — running around Manchester all summer or holed up in a Brooklyn apartment in a snowstorm — things are charged with a certain kind of energy, which to me feels like an extra layer of colour and possibility.
Harrowing to think of someone you spent 18 hours with now going about their business somewhere, giving PowerPoint presentations and eating dinner with their parents, when they have seen you sneeze with no clothes on. For some? Not worth it. The story of heterosexuality in the dating app era is usually women in their 20s and 30s feeling disappointed at best and violated at worst, and men who are entitled, resentful and manipulative.
This is of course one story, and men like that do exist, but there is also another story in which casual sex is enjoyable or even just benign.
There are plenty of hookups that end in iced coffee the next day, rather than regret. Like, by and large, they would much rather be doing something else. Playing Elden Ring , setting up a fake North Face account on Depop to trick their mate into taking a photo of a glove on a toilet. More importantly, though, the way we talk about sex in relation to dating apps especially feels backwards.
