Like many long-suffering singletons before him, he received no reply. As his prospects with Tanya fizzled, Ansari began to consider the ways smartphones and online dating services have created new social anxieties around flirtation—and the subject became fodder for much of his standup. But research shows that online dating has yielded more than just awkward blunders: Between and , it was the most common way Americans met their spouses—bigger than work, friends and school combined. When Penguin approached him about turning his comedy into a book, Ansari was struck with an idea.
He demonstrates that when people can afford to, they live alone — and argues that our social and socioeconomic support structures will need to adjust to that new reality. Time magazine called it the 1 idea that is changing your life. Klinenberg and Ansari hit it off pretty much from the start. Together they could not only tackle questions about modern relationships, but also examine the very stuff of courtship today—by reading through the text messages, online dating profiles, and emails of those looking for love.
While Klinenberg developed the research methodology, Ansari proved useful in gathering the data. Almost everywhere, it seemed, people were familiar with his comedy and eager to speak with him.
People just handed us their phones. And Ansari, famous for being single, is now in a committed relationship. But make of this what you will: The couple met through friends, not online. No group of people has ever had access to this many people outside of their social circle.
But having so many possibilities can be overwhelming—leading you to browse endlessly or spend hours crafting noncommittal messages to dozens of possible flames. Better to take a quick look around and choose someone to ask out on a real date, he says. By the time I look up, I see the taco place is about to close, and so is everything around it. Most people we spoke to had a better experience with online dating if they actually met in person—sooner rather than later.
