When my patients open up about their difficulty finding the right person, they often reveal uncertainty about potential partners in the early stages of dating. In an ideal world, we would go on first dates and know right away if we are excited about going on a second date with that person or if we should pass, but so often we're left feeling indecisive.
Certain aspects of the interaction may have been perfect sparkling conversation, lots of things in common and others were not quite what you expected less attractive than their dating app profile , showed up late, had weird eating preferences and you can't decide if these are beige, yellow, or red flags.
Maybe everything was perfect but you just didn't not feel that initial spark! Plenty of times, it can be worth going on a second date just to be sure Lucky for you I have some thoughts on the matter. Or more simply: Even if you don't feel a crazy spark when you first meet the person, if you enjoyed the conversation and company it's probably worth giving them a second date.
Let me break this down. They might possess qualities that resemble our caretakers and have the potential to reignite unhealthy relational patterns. The most common trope is that of an unavailable yet desirable individual who is charming in person but does not meet your needs for connection when apart.
It can be hard to disentangle genuine connections when our attachment wounds are triggered. Attachment wounds tend to generate insecure attachment βas romantic partners can resemble inconsistent caregiversβcausing you to live in peaks and valleys, vacillating between apprehension for when they might reach out again to elation when they are available and show up.
