Trauma is stored in the body not in the brain. The trauma stored in the body when left unhealed or not repaired wreaks havoc on our thoughts and our emotions. When we continue to carry our story, our wounds, we suffer in silence.
Sometimes we carry those secrets from our partners, but other times we carry those secrets and hold them in silence from everyone. This effects the one carrying the secrets the most. When two people come together they come into the relationship with a figurative backpack. And in that backpack, is their history from their family of origin what was modeled or not modeled , previous relationships as an adolescent, young adult, and maybe even previous marriages all being held in this backpack.
In the most inopportune time, what is carried in these backpacks can fall out or be triggered. A behavior, a fight, a word, anything can bring up something from the past even unintentionally.
When this trigger pulls something out of the backpack, it develops into a barrier in the relationship and just continues to grow and become a deeper obstacle.
Now imagine the same sequence of events happens for the partner! This continues until the relationship ends or the couple seeks support. Barriers of numbing and medicating also exists as each are trying to find ways to cope with the trauma. In marriage therapy for recovery, you can talk about the roots of your emotions. Commonly, these include past experiences, relationship dynamics, and unmet needs.
