Long time, no type. For a while, I had a short list of movies I wanted to write about but I never got around to choosing one. Jabootu : A mythological supernatural entity demon, spirit, deity, etc. The only problem is— Gigli has never been reviewed on the site. This needed fixing. My course was set. One of the things that make bad movie watching so much fun for me is watching them with friends and family.
The problem, then, I face is convincing those same friends and siblings to sit through a second movie. How can I be a bad little person and spring these things on them in the face of such wariness? Since we have spread out across the country, getting together to watch any kind of movie is tough. None of them had seen it but all of them remember it cratering as being laughably bad. We popped it in.
Mad smiled. Rebecca smiled. Joe smiled. I smiled. However, my smile was of a very different sort than all the other smiles. My smile was more of a grin. You see, I actually had sort of seen the movie before. I looked around and paused to savor the moment and to make sure that I would be able to recollect every fine detail and crease on their smiles because this was going to be the last of such smiles I would see that day.
Not too long ago in a galaxy not far enough away, there was fabricated a Hollywood couple comprised of one certain Benjamin Affleck and one certain Jennifer Lopez. Let your eyes fall anywhere on the racks between the Archie digests and the Snickers bars by the cashier at any big box retail circa and you would be informed that Jenny and Ben were seen kissing on the set of this or that show, or were stepping out to this or that Hollywood bender, or were considering getting engaged, or starring in a music video, or being dissed by another starlet—together.
When the pair called off their wedding, they blamed the intense media scrutiny. True love conquers all…except obnoxious photographers, I guess. It sucked but was, admittedly, for the turnstiles. Then the wheels came off with Gigli. No amount of manufactured paparazzi angst could mask this continuing stream of box office detonations.
