Posted January 3, Reviewed by Margaret Foley. Where once I smothered the pain of losing a relationship by isolating and engaging in coping behaviors that ranged from questionable to outright destructive, now I marshal my reinforcements, calling and texting friends and family, setting up a support system, and reconnecting with my broader social network. Reflecting on this positive development in my life, I realized that most of the women I know came to this coping strategy much earlier in their livesβor seemed to intuitively understand it from the start.
Then I read a recent research article Wahring et al. In general, people think of romantic relationships as more important to women than to men Hyde et al. But the scientific literature, as Wahring and colleagues helpfully summarize it, tells a different story. Their conclusion: Men lean on romantic partners for emotional support and intimacy more than women do, which is why they put more effort into establishing relationships, benefit more from relationships, initiate fewer breakups, and have a harder time after breakups.
Men behave this way, they argue, because they have fewer emotional and social supports outside their romantic relationship, relative to women, and thus are more dependent on their romantic partners to meet many of their needs.
In reviewing the literature, Wahring and colleagues build a convincing case that men are more eager to enter into relationships, citing research that shows that relative to women, men express more desire for a partner when single, fall in love more quickly, and say that they love their partners sooner e. They may be motivated, consciously or unconsciously, by the fact that men in relationships are on average healthier than men not in relationships and that emotional support provided by partners may drive this pattern Stronge et al.
Why are men in this position in the first place? They note that boys and girls are socialized from an early age into different norms regarding self-disclosure and closeness with others. Specifically, we associate nurturing and supportive behaviors with femininity, so men learn not to be vulnerable or lean on others, while women become practiced at turning to others when distressed or in need Taylor et al.
