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Posted February 4, Reviewed by Michelle Quirk. When I learned of the plane crash over the Potomac River last week, I, like everyone else, was horrified. In addition to feeling great sadness for the passengers and their families, as a single mother and the sole guardian of my two young adult children, my mind immediately went to a terrifying "what if.
In our small family of three, this thought is more than just a fleeting fear βit has been a driving force in how I parent. For better or worse, it has shaped my deep commitment to instilling self-reliance and independence in my children. I have always believed that should anything happen to me, they need the skills and mindset to survive, adapt, and ultimately build full and meaningful lives. The loss of any of us would be heartbreaking and catastrophic for those left behind, but I am confident that they would survive, and, after time, find a way to move forward.
This beliefβthat preparing my children for life means teaching them to embrace discomfort rather than avoid itβhas made me a parent who does not back down.
It has meant enforcing rules and allowing them to experience hardship, of course, balanced with love and support. Being a tough parent is never easy, but the alternative motivated me. For example, children who are raised without discomfort, whether it's that they miss school, spend hours playing video games, or refuse to learn to drive, have more anxiety and fewer life skills. All parents have good intentions. However, there is a growing trend among some parents today to prioritize shielding their children from discomfort rather than teaching them how to navigate it.
I worry about these children. What happens if their parents are no longer there to cushion their experiences? As they grow older and face the realities and stresses of adult life, will they have the resilience to thrive? Research suggests that some parents adopt lenient parenting styles because they fear making their children uncomfortable.