Posted August 14, Reviewed by Devon Frye. Becky was in an abusive relationship—belittled, controlled and cut off from her friends and family for many years. Yet she refused to leave, defending her abusive partner's actions and blaming herself for everything. When Leon got arrested for domestic abuse, she paid his bail and refused to press charges.
This seemingly bizarre and puzzling behaviour has been characterized as Stockholm syndrome, a proposed condition in which abuse victims form powerful emotional bonds with their abusers. While not a formal diagnosis and thought to be extremely rare, understanding why it might occur could provide valuable insights into the dark psychology of abusive relationships. Swedish psychiatrist Nils Bejerot coined the term in after observing how four hostages of a bank robbery apparently bonded with their captors after being held hostage for six days in Stockholm.
After being rescued, the hostages refused to testify against their captors and even raised money for their defence. Bejerot found it bizarre that hostages could display such strong sympathetic behaviour toward their captors despite being subjected to extreme trauma; he called the phenomenon "Stockholm syndrome. While this all seems counterintuitive, it does make psychological sense.
When our survival is threatened, our primal drive is to do whatever it takes to stay alive—even if that means bonding with our abusers. This can then lay the groundwork for traumatic attachment. This process, sometimes known as " trauma bonding ," begins when abusers occasionally mix in small acts of kindness with their abuse or threats.
These small acts of kindness may bring great relief and lead the victim to express feelings of gratitude. This, combined with fear , may make the victim more reluctant to show negative feelings toward the abuser and become hyper-focused on pleasing them, to keep getting these small acts of kindness and avoid further angering them. They may start to ignore their own needs in favour of those of the abuser. They develop strategies to get their abuser to like them and may even adopt their perspectives or views as survival strategies.
