I used to believe that beauty is subjective and different people like different things. Dimples, nice smile, warm eyes etc. I have none of those. My face is an egg, I have a weird look in my eyes, and despite weighing 70kg and being 1. And none of these girls would look at me. I never saw a girl looking at me. And boom, there it goes. I tried improving myself and I still do. The more I try to look good, the uglier I realise I become.
When I try becoming good at something, I always fail. I tried dating apps, but even in my best pics, I look bad. I got only a couple of matches from average-ugly girls. To understand how big of a problem it is, I wouldnt be able to walk out on the street or in a mall with an average looking girl. I remember exactly what it was like to be I was absolutely, hands down, knew-it-in-my-bones sure that I was going to be able to drink before I ever had sex.
I knew this with the certainty of someone who has hopped in the TARDIS and went forward in time to verify it personally. I was, incidentally, completely goddamn wrong. I may have sworn up and down that I could see every step of the next five years with perfect clarity, but I was wrong. So take a deep breath. Take another. Hold it. Let it out slowly. And that needs to stop. If you want to find love and lose your virginity before all-is-lost-woe-and-alack, then the first step is to stop treating self-harm as a path to truth instead of intellectual mutilation.
Because we live in a culture that actively discourages it. We live in a culture that teaches us that male sexuality is aggressive, even predatory. Men are supposed to be the ones who make the advances and who take the lead when wooing women. Women are supposed to be passive and receptive, not to act but to be acted on.
When women flout gender roles, guys get uncomfortable. I mean, if a woman were to tell you that you were actually attractive, would you believe her? That has nothing to do with your looks and everything to do with the world we live in.
