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Long-term relationships require time, energy and work. Others are so vastly different that their lives are spent trying to convince the other person they are wrong. Are they really from different planets? After listening to and observing many couples over the last 30 years, I have come to the conclusion that long-term relationships may require at least three things: maturity; fit and timing.
This seems simple and worth considering. Maturity means that both people have done their personal work. They have each worked on their issues, come to terms with their past, and moved beyond it.
They have forgiven others, let the past go, and set clear goals for their future. They have learned to live fully, without addictions , and take responsibility for their successes as well as failures.
It works best when two people love and accept themselves, and then are ready to share that love with someone else. The relationship is more like the icing on the cake, not the cake itself. Maturity also involves having clear boundaries, asking for what one wants, and learning to communicate and compromise. Intimacy involves vulnerability and sharing.
Both people need to be ready to do this. Major differences in lifestyle, age, and world view can create problems and stress. Timing is important. Some people are really ready for commitment and others are not. Some people may think they are ready, but they are not really ready. Meeting someone who has just rebounded from a relationship breakup may mean that the person is not ready for another commitment just yet.